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½ 'they ain't gonna sink this battleship, no way!' So without talking too much about the classic boardgame from my childhood this is BATTLESHIP! Aliens come to earth and land in the sea near some US battleships, they are unfriendly, the ships engage in sea warfare and the humans win (check.the Americans save the world). Is that a spoiler? No no no no no, well yes but I think I can safely say everyone should realise this. So 'Independence Day' at sea you say?
Well your pretty darn right mateys, this is indeed a complete rip of that errr classic alien invasion flick. The film is VERY by the numbers in every department, unbelievably cliched to the hilt and really very stupid. Oh and I forgot in this film they don't get the President to muck in oh no, they get all the old age ex-sailor pensioners to get stuck in, ave it! Hmmm well sort of, you know what will happen every bloody inch of the way no question, Taylor Kitsch's character is utterly predictable with his rebellious ways at first, then drafted into the Navy (this doesn't feel right), still a bit of a 'Jack the lad' in service, but turns into a leader of men when the shit hits the fan, grrrr leader of MEN!
Casting Rihanna really didn't help this film one bit, right from the get go it gave the film a bad vibe of tacky sci-fi, she is also in damn near every fudging shot! Plus she isn't that pretty looking without her usual swathes of makeup. Neeson is the other big name.why?
Dunno, lets move on. OK so the effects are average really, the CGI on show isn't much, it doesn't look as nice as previous alien invasion films in my view. Does the job but overall the alien ships are uninspired and look like a cross between 'Transformer' toys and 'Zoids' toys (yep that's an 80's thing), didn't wanna mention Transformers but I had to. The aliens themselves look a bit poor to be honest, humanoid with dumb facial expressions and these daft looking goatees on their chins that look like a patch of sea anemones.
Their suits are better and made me think of 'Halo' somewhat, some nice futuristic spacesuit designs going on with 'Predator' vision inside their visors. Again the weaponry the aliens use was uninspired and dull, their ships fire these boring shaped canister things that hit their targets but do nothing, after a few seconds they then explode.like wow! I since found out they are suppose to be shaped like the pegs in the boardgame of which this is based, yeah kinda stupid idea right there. They also fire 'Sonic the Hedgehog' type mechanical metallic 'fury ball/disc' things that seem to have a mind of their own and zip all over the show seemingly blowing things up when they make contact. In short I'm sure the aliens could of destroyed all the humans very quickly if they really wanted to.
I can see what they have tried to do here and I don't blame them with the aliens/alien invasion obsession doing the rounds but its just come along too late. Completely zilch originality so don't go expecting anything new and cool looking but it is reasonably pretty looking at times.
The football (soccer) game at the start is hilariously bad (all football wise UK viewers I'm sure will agree) and stay till after the end credits for an extra scene (sequel much?). Nice try for a cash in on the current bandwagon but these things don't always work do they, strike two for Kitsch (who is this guy?) and will Hollywood ever learn? Stupid question that really. This battleship has well n truly sunk.zing! ½ Sometimes you just want to turn your brain off and watch things getting blown up. This picture fits the bill perfectly. Fire red randomizer nuzlocke rom. Don't try and think - don't notice the obvious plot contrivances, the cartoonish caricatures, the total implausibility - manage all that and you have a decent, fairly entertaining film.
But we've come to bury Caesar, not to praise him - so. In spite of some decent special effects and the glory of seeing the Mighty Mo pressed back into action, this film reeks of 'been there, seen that'. All the characters being in the right place at the right (or wrong, depending on your point of view) time - the obvious attempt at establishing a rivalry that of course ends up being a plot device where the two just have to get along for the good of the planet - the hackneyed love affair. All are attempts to give this film more weight - and frankly, the film would have been just as good (and I use that term lightly) without them. At the center of the film are those pretty cool aliens and their uber cool starships. Add to it the race against time as said aliens attempt to call in reinforcements, and you've got a nice action film that, for my money, does a much better and concise job of giving you that action than the Transformer films. That the aliens have a weakness and that the weakness isn't something you want to think too hard about is typical - but when it keeps getting thrown in your face, over and over, makes it hard to ignore.
You also try to ignore that the aliens have a device like the ultimate saws-all that can repeatedly cut through anything without ever dulling - and yet for some reason they didn't arm their ships with the same metal, making it easy to destroy them with regular (non nuke) firepower (although it is hilarious to see the US Navy shooting at these high tech battlewagons with machine guns - yeah, like that's gonna hurt em!). Then try to ignore that, as the alien ships are cruising through space, they somehow don't have the guidance capabilities to avoid hitting a satellite (hmm, they traveled across how many million parsecs of space and missed all kinds of meteors and other space garbage only to crash into a satellite when coming down the home stretch???) I haven't mentioned the acting here, and really there is no need to - they all play their part, regurgitate the lines they are given without seeming too wooden, in spite of the cartoonish nature of the characters they are playing. But really, this film is about the alien ships and how the navy combats them. Nicely done in most regards and make this worth a watch if you just want to be entertained by mindless action.
Battleship The Full Movie
I also want to mention that the synopsis for the film that came up on DirecTV mentioned that this film is based on the Hasbro game of the same name. I looked twice and said, 'WTF' - no way. But yes, it's true - there is a segment of the film that is like playing the children's game Battleship. Wow - wonder how much Hasbro donated to make that happen.
There are 3 hugely anticipated block-busters this year and Battleship was the first one to be released. I had expectations of watching this at that cinema a few times and getting it on blue ray - this is my type of movie!; or at least that was the expectation. With such great promotional footage and Liam Neeson heading the cast, it had to be great. In reality, Neeson has almost a bit part (in fact you see most of it in the promotional adverts), clearly there to increase sales of the movie; with the bulk of the 'acting' coming from Taylor Kitsch. A ludicrous start with Kitsch playing a 27 year loser who, on the recommendation of his brother (Alexander Scarsgard) joins the Navy, suddenly to become at Lt Cdr - The script is clearly written by someone with no military knowledge or experience and that the actions, demeanour and interaction with all that are supposed to be military personnel, is a non sense.
It makes Top Gun look believable! However, it gets worse;with aliens that have made there way to earth with great looking craft,that impressively rise from the ocean (great CGG) - you see it on the commercials for the movie, the only weapon they possess are melee type Armour - pretty ridiculous really and by this point the movie has lost any form of credibility. The outcome is obvious from the first few minutes and I certainly wouldn't go back for a repeat viewing.
It's still probably worth a watch if you can't resist, but don't buy any pop corn; there's enough corn in this movie!